That Which Lies Beneath the Dust

I look in the mirror by myself I do not see.

Examining my inner being, I try to find who I am to be.

Until now I haven’t really been myself

Fulfilling whom others wanted me to be I put who I am up on a shelf.

Dusting off who I truly am, yet scared to show my face

They’ve put me in a box; can they truly accept me in this place?

To trust, be vulnerable, or to love, I tremble at the thought.

In my experience those things can’t be given, only bought.

God help me to see Your true love in others

So I can know how to accept real sisters and brothers.

In the past I have been hurt by man this is true.

But what I fear the most is do I really even trust You?

I want to open up and give You my life, every last part,

That is why I am focusing on dealing with my heart.

I see now that I have hurt others without even trying.

On the outside things look fine, my spirit is grieving, inside I am crying.

Every relationship disappointment in my life, I caused.

Realizing that I reaped what I have sown, I paused.

It’s hard to accept that I single handedly broke my own heart.

I’m my own worst enemy, now seeing the problem I’ll fix that part.

No longer will I look in the mirror with confusion.

I’m allowing God to renew me with His heart transfusion.

The reflection I am beginning to see still isn’t myself, but another.

The image is of the man that lives in me, my big brother.

~Jennifer Renée